Tall Dark and Superman

So...I am Harmony. 6'1" and not much meat on my bones. I am always freezing cold. Tonight I was driving and I turned off all my heat. I was still too hot. Tonight, on December 27th, I rolled down my windows, and drove on the Highway. I was singing my lungs out and still not cool. I thought what is wrong with me? Then I never figured it out....soo. There I was. Then I got kind of cool. So I rolled up my windows and my hair got caught. Rock on. Oh what a night.

So I haven't written in a little bit. Some things have taken over my life. Like spending time with family. Friends. And my bed and Couches. SLEEPING. I had been having many symptoms showing signs of Disease. I thought it was going to be bad. But, thankfully I was wrong. I went to the Doctor on last Monday afternoon and had a bunch of blood taken away from me. Then I traveled up to Canada the next day and while up there all I did was sleep when we weren't busy. I got my blood tests back and turns out I just have NO IRON in my body. This explains the hair loss. Fatigue. Loss of appetite. And all that other Juice. So. I have got some supps and I think I am on the brink of healing.

Tall, Dark, and....Superman? I can't wait to meet mine. But for now, I feel like I am much better at befriending guys. And helping them in the Lady field. But when it comes to me and guys. It is a futuristic thought. A magnetic force, in which is broken. I suppose life has its ways however. I have just met so many boys. Boys that have become my best friends. Who tell me I'm beautiful when I won't listen to anyone. Who when I plaster my smile on and go to school ask me, "Hey whats wrong." Because they see past. Those are my favorite boys. The ones that know my story and I can help with theirs as well. Yet, I have met other boys who have an outlook on life. And that is that. They won't change it. They see me as intimidating, and who knows what else. Why? Am I intimidating? Am I afraid to be myself? No. Do I have flaws? Yes! So Deal with it. Those are the boys that I want to help. But won't let me break through. So I just pray. (I have recently been thinking a lot about college. And going through much experience, and thought. I have thought deeply into going into the counseling field. To help teens with addictions)

Ok I don't know where I am going with this. Probably nothing. I can't believe I only have a semester left. And then I am graduating. What. The. Heck. This is insane. I feel like just yesterday I was a Freshgirl. And Avery was a senior. My goodness. I am stoked. I am excited for a new year. A new beginning. New goals and new options. It's gonna be a good year. I have a feeling. 2012

I sat down to write...and this became..

This is it. I am listening to "You Could Be Happy" radio on Pandora. It is fabulous. Just what I feel right now. Except I shouldn't. Yes, I could be happy. And, so, I should be. I am just not feeling that giddiness that I am normally up to. Probably for a few reasons. #1. It is rare for me to be with my best friend these days. My other half. My Sarah Rex. I see her for a minute to start the day, and then its like POOF. She's gone to beauty school. And I am left alone. To fend for myself. Not feeling accepted, except by my sophomore friends. And Tanner and Connor Rock on.
#2. I am tired ALL the time and don't feel like I am progressing. Daddy is working on pills. #3. My transcripts haven't come back yet. Priority applying for BYU was on the 1st. I need them. Now.
#4. High School Boys. Fail. Girls, your Kisses are SILVER...RUBIES...GOLD! Don't waste them. Save them for the one to carry them. Whos hands are gentle. Fragile. Who will deserve them.
Girls, mark your stand NOW. Today. And NEVER settle for less. I have learned the not-so-easy way.

But. I am grateful for friends with warm hearts. With kind smiles. And who put up with my Frank and Blunt outlook. Even if I get in their face. They love me. I love them. That's how I am. I am grateful for a mother who puts up with me. Even though I FORGET EVERYTHING IMPORTANT. I love her. I am grateful for a cute sister to laugh with. Even if its laughing over what we were fighting about. I love her. I am grateful for a brother serving a mission. Who can barely fit through a door. Even if he doesnt come home til August. I love him. I am grateful for another brother who is talented, and hardworking. Who puts a smile on many, and can I say, a young Jimi Hendrix? Even though I don't see him as much as I'd like any more. I love him. I guess thats called growing up. I am grateful for a comforting father who laughs at the fact that I couldnt find the registration when I was pulled over . Who builds beautiful instruments, and fixes my back and everything wrong with me, even if I'm just a hypochondriac. Of some level. I love him. I am grateful for Jesus Christ. Who died on the cross, for ME. And for everyone else. I am grateful for being able to have Him to go to. When I have feeble knees and can fall and call on Him. Even though I am slightly stubborn and don't always call for help when I know I should. I love Him. I am grateful for my family. Even though it may not seem that way. They are with me forever, for eternity, and together we'll grow. Through Pain, through Trials, through Love. And with the help of our Heavenly Father.
Tis the Season for a greatful heart!

Now, I might be a bit more happy. Thinking of all of my blessings :)

Light Bulb

Parents. Their here for our own good. I know it. They brought us into the world. Taught us what is right. They are great supporters and we are to honor them. Yet still we disobey? Yes. We test. We think WE KNOW what's 'right'. I am saying this from my point of view. Were I have been punished and grounded yet still I take the chance to go against their will. It is difficult to realize that they were once my age. They went through similar situations that I did. However, we AREall human and nothing will be simple. We make these mistakes and learn from them. Maybe not as quickly as we should . You could call me stubborn. Or something like that. I like to be right. Nothing less. Where am I going with this? We need to get to know out parents. I am saying this because I NEED to get to know them. I say this because my mom and I have been on difficult grounds for the past while. It's been rough. And she reminded me that this IS my last year. Before I know it, I’ll be out of the house and only coming back for breaks. This hit me weird. I have found that I have been restricting my time from family. Using the excuses: I have work. I want to be with friends. Yadah yadah. And yes I am a teen. I want to have fun. Party party party. But, besides Sarah, and a few other friends, i can't guarantee to have them for life. With my family. I can. I know to depend on them whenever.

With this, i am going to try harder. Especially with the Holidays on our shoulders. I feel the need to be more loving. More giving. More responsible.

Menfolk. I love being single. Having a bunch of great guy friends is where its at in High School. Getting to know so many different personalities. Traits. That I that.

As of right now; however, i feel like i got stabbed in the stomach and someone is ripping out my insides. So i will get warm. Listen to Coldplay radio, and drool over heels and yummy food on Pinterest. I'm hooked.

My thoughts this week..

I have had some deep thoughts lately. I just havent been able to put them in words. Its been rather difficult. But i have had some other thoughts that i have found pictures to describe. None of which, in any particular order. And soon i will be creative enough for my own pictures.

The question is. Do you know Benny? Oh my love.

Do you know these girls? Love me some Spice.

Best Movie Ever.

Lasagna. Just call me Garfield.

Hot Chocolate: The Key ingrediant of my Winter/Palm Trees. Arizona is calling my name. Yessss..

Ryan Renalds...Love

My. Smell. So. Good. Love.

I am so excited for this..Just a couple more weeks!

Truffles. My downfall besides Ice cream. Love

Elder Tagg, Avery, My brother. He is my favorite boy in the World.

What this says is true. I can't work right without it. No Music. No function.

Yep. It might be my future. My near Future.

I want a house like this.

Where I am at Right now..

I havent written in forever..and i am in the proccess..but for now..this song is mine right now.

Maybe Life is Too Great

Seven things i have learned about my self this year so far. Well more relearned. Realzing it's too true. And i was just rationalizing it all away earlier.

1)I am absolutley NO good at government. And basically everything else under that cateragory; ie: America, History, Politics. Rock On.

2)I am , honestly, sincerely, completely, positively, entirely THE WORST at studying. Again, Rock on.

3)I ALWAYS need a clock. To know the time. At all times.

4)I am NOT a shoe person. I have a few. Maybe more. But i just don't, love them. I like bare feet.

5)When I am in my room, dancing. Or even stretching. I need to remember to turn off my fan. Otherwise; my hands feel much pain.

6) I miss many people. A few, very much, in particular.

Oh and last but certainly not least,7) My homecoming date enjoys 'My Little Pony'.

I have been kinda going insane this week. All because of Saturday. I will have to get up to be ready to leave by 6:45, for the ACT in Walla Walla. That goes from 8 to 12:15. Then when i get home, i will need to start preparing for homecoming. Not positive on pick up time, but I highly doubt there'll be room enough for a nap. Woohoo..BUUUUTT, the dance. I am just going to make the very best of it. My friends are going as well. And I WILL have a good time. No matter the circumstances. It will be grand. Bring it On. But I have a very feeling that I will be completly dead by 9 o'clock. Well I will sleep well.

Because Homecoming is this weekend, we have spirit week. However, I am not a very school spirited person. I don't want to dress in weird things to school, just because. If I want to dress like that then I will on my own time. Call me a negative nancy, or a self conscious girl, but i just don't like people coming up with "Cowboys vs Aliens" Day, or "Lazy Day". Sorry, I am not showing you my pajamas. And its not halloween. I won't dress up. Oh yeah did I ever say I despise halloween? Maybe because my parents stole all my candy because it rots teeth. Or maybe because I would dress up but be freezing cold, so covering up my costume was the only way to stay warm while getting candy, while i could only keep 10 pieces. 10.

Maybe I am just stressed. ACT means college.

I still need to do college apps.

I started listening to Christmas Music.

I especially miss Avery. He comes home end of July-ish or August, but so many of his friends and my friends brothers have started finishing. And it makes me miss him more. But i know he is out serving, doing the utter most right thing. He got bitten by a dog. Twice. I hope he is fine. He says not to worry. I pray for him every day. I miss writing songs with him. Listening to him play guitar. His funny jokes. I miss him asking me for lady advice, and what to wear, and how his hair looked. Oh, that boy. Love him. I miss him driving me to school even though he hated it. But I love him and know he is happy and serving the Lord in the most righteous way.

Snow Patrol Radio on Pandora= Love

I truly believe that if we give up the things of momentary peasure, now that we will be blessed with new and better things to come into our lives. Don't be an Esau. Don't give up your Birthright for some Pottage. CTR.

Meep

1. Smiling is addicting. You know like when you get mad but then someone laughs or smiles at you, you can still be a bit angry but you still smile. Maybe its not everyone. But it happens to me.

2. I love my turbo. Except, when i am in a 30 mph zone and i look down and realize i am going 50. Yeah whoops. I love it.
3. I was talking to a friend telling him about my classes and realized something. Government is my hardest class. Government. Maybe its because i cant pay attention. Or maybe its because we watch the news and talk the whole time, then she throws us a curve ball of a test. Yikes. Yeah, government, which i should probably learn about because i am so naive and uninterested in worldly business. But i shold probably try, it would be sad if that one semester class brought me way down.
4. UMM..so i have started to ignore it, but it can still be pain, especially when i've known the person forever, but when they walk up and say "Wow, you know Harmony, you're SO tall." I mean, come on, what do i say? "NO WAYY!!??!" I have said it time and time again. I love my height. But when people do that or whisper when they walk by its like im an alien. But. Then i wore heels one time. And sarah changed my outlook. I think they arent thinking im from outerspace. They just cant get their eyes off me because i am a model. Right? What can i say? So pretty much yeah. Guys are jealous. And that is that. I love seeing so far off the ground. Always a better advantage. Eh?
5. HC. Home. Coming. Hoooo-rah. I am glad Amber is in my group. I WILL have fun.
6. Pretty much i love my job. s. Yes jobs. I love being a nanny. I now have, not only, every other week, but also every thursday night, and i will probably be taking on every wednesday night. I love children. With all my heart, i cant wait to be a mother. Just holding a small child in my arms. The joy it brings. I love the way they smile and laugh over silly business. I love how messy they get. Then giving them bubble baths. Their suprise on their face when they experinece something new, which they love. When a song comes on and they move their body, or start "singing" or "talking" along. Its just so cute. Love. One of my greatest desires is to be a mother, and to have an eternal family.I also got a job at Monkey Dooz, thanks to the best friend in the world, which i will do on saturdays. Because i love to do hair, and i love children, this will be lovely. Minus the bratts. But i love it.
7. Fall. My even more favorite. Crisp leaves. Hot chocolate. Candles. Warm homes. Snuggling and coziness. Fires. Delicious home made meals.
8. If you were to ask me at this point in time what music i like, you'd get an answer. But i think you should just ask the question what music DON'T i like. When i put my i tunes on shuffle i just listen to all of it. A country song will come up. Then a disney song. Then maybe edward sharpe, or the Red hot Chilis. Then you'll hear some coldplay and snow patrol. And i cant forget my back street, nysinc, jesse mccartney, and spice girls. And good ol Bob and Jimmi. And my techno Its love. And of course i hvae my latest pop songs that i still love. So to what you should ask. I don't like screamo. That is that.
9. Ive got an addiction. Now addictions are usually bad. But i feel like mine really isn't. Apparently it is because my mom told me to quit. Its Hot Chocolate. I love it. Out of all Hot Beverages. ITS MY FAVORITE. Specially with flavoring, like hazelnut, and irish cream. And mini marshmallows. And whoooop cream. Its love yes. Today i made cinnimon and spice..mmm

I have 9 today. That is that.

I wrote a blog, but didnt post it. I didn't because it went against my 'smiling through and through'. All i wrote was complainig and ranting. Casual. I guess i just get upset easily and don't understand a lot of people. But yeah. It was just a good cool off for my anger.

Also i had a mag weekend to blow off steam. I actually got to hang out with Sarah, Connor, and Tanner. Best Saturday ever. I have my twins this week. And i start my other family of 4 girls for every wednesday, and my thursday night. I am so busy. I love it.

umm...yeah..im gone

My Unusual Scattered Rants

Tis Homecoming Season, again. And i am realizing that everyone is getting asked. Everyone except me. Casual. Why, i must ask? Maybe I am too forward. Maybe I am to offering. Maybe I am to enthusiastic. Or maybe I am just a freak. But. No matter the cause I dont get asked. Then i realized its my heigth. Well, dang, i must be intimidating. Oh and there is that other excuse that everyone and THEIR DOG uses. They say "Oh, your just too beautiful". Ha. Right. "And the guys are sooOoOooooOOO nervous". Right. Ok. That is absolutely the worst excuse ever. All the prettiest girls DO get asked. Just saying. I just don't get it. But you know, i am so over it already. I know there is a reason and i am fine by it. College is in less than a year now and a stupid dance should be the least of my worries. Anyways, i take the ACT that morning, so i would not want to be rushed into getting ready. That is that i suppose. I will just have my own dance party :) for real. Mine are the best anyway.

Anyways. This senior year should be swell. Life is fun. School life yes. I am glad to be back. No I am not at college. But I can tell this will be, pretty much, a good year. A fantastic senior year. I have a job. I have nice people. Friends. Fabulous classes and teachers. Minus the fact that i have no friends in my lunch, I never see sarah, and i have to drive stick to nanny. Yeah driving stick is NOT the greatest. I stall everyday and it is just nerve racking and i never know whether i will do well or not. But i suppose with a good attitude i will manage and, hopefully, get better. I guess its a good experience. And my girls, well they are crazy 9 year old twins. It's fun but they can definetly be a challenge. I take them to dance and cheer so that is fun, so pretty much its like im mom. Yay.

Weird Thought of My week: So when I drive and I am thinking. My thoughts are usually crazy and abnormal. But today I was thinking on a thought. And it was less crazy and more of an epiphany. So I was sneezing a bunch of times and realized how much I love it. Like I feel like romantic. And I love it like I love to kiss. Yes. Ha.

Besides how we all know life is insane and we have our major troubles. I have been swell. "Just keep swimming" NO MATTER WHAT. It's really hard when it may come to losing friends or just choosing differently, but we gotta do what we gotta do. The Lord has a plan for us and whatever that plan is we may not know. But following Him, and doing what we know is right will keep us straight on the path and all will be well over all.

I am extremely excited for fall. I love the nip in the air, candles smelling the house up with christmas, snuggling, bon fires, sweaters, boots, DELICIOUS FOOD, Hot Cocoa, and so much more. Tis the Season for sure for sure FOR SURE.

Easier Said than Done

My dad asked me why I write a blog. I told him I don't really know. Maybe just as a journal. But I have a separate for that. So maybe just a public journal. Oh wait. That is a blog. So I guess I jut put stuff that i want people to know and to think about. I hope it helps you, or gives you is not a waste when you read it, or something like that.

So, i have had a lot of thought. like What do girls want? We want to be loved. To be noticed. We hate being the man in the relationship and want the guy to make the first move. Unfortunatly some guys tend to be scared. So we end up starting it. Flirting. But then they may get a confused. Because they would think "oh she flirts with EVERYONE". My goodness. High school boys are silly. So all i can say is Gents, if you dare to call your self that, Guys, I sure hope you will always treat your ladies with respect. We deserve nothing less. A quality I look for in a guy is defiantly that he will treat me with the upmost value. I actually have quite the list of what I expect in my man. I realized lately I have not so much been following what I want. Which is clearly not a smart decision. Ladies, when you set the expectations of what you want in a guy. Never turn back or try to bend the expectation. Unless it is for good reason, because we all know the story of when the guy searched far and wide for miss right. And when he found her, guess what happened. She was looking for Mr right and HE was not HIM. We will never find the perfect one. But dang, we can get pretty darn close. I have seen it. And I want it. However, if we want the lasting relationship we cannot turn our nose up at everything. Something I need to work on. So what do I want? I will not marry shorter. Why?..because it's awkward. Kissing would not be ideal. I guess when your in love they say everything is different. Well I don't care. He's got to have a few inches on me. He MUST have a nice smile. That is my favorite. I love smiles. And his will be not much less than perfect. I expect cleanliness. No Santa beard. But scruff is fine if he wants. But a clean chin is definitely wonderful. Do I sound high maintenance or what? Ha. Okay his personality must be. Well willing. I guess I don't what marry so I will not date a guy who won't have fun. I want to have fun. To go on adventures. Road trips. Picnics at the park. Dancing. Bowling. Bike rides. Making food together. And just doing fun activities rather than sitting at home. He must have a sense of humor. And no not like Monty Python. Ew. He needs to make me laugh. Usually isn't too hard but I want to be able to laugh and joke for hours like best friends. Another point. I want him to be my best friend. I would love for him to be an RM and a strong believer of Jesus Christ and strong in the gospel. I think that reason mostly not just because I want him to be. But because I want him to be able to help me and so we can have our kids grow up that way with good standards. And to be in the church. I would like him to have a passion. A passion that is not boyish. I would love for that passion to be as much as a love for music, children, building things, or just something like that. Maybe camping. Or hiking? Those are two wonderful activities. I am also looking for an emotionally healthy guy, who is kind and not just to me, but to everyone around him. Educated and Patient are very high on the list. I would like determination in his schooling and i am the worst with patience. It is my goal to work on. I supose i could go on about things i want, but these are just a few that i'd really apreciate. Making a list such as this will put us on the right track and that way we can know what we are searching for in someone, and if there is a trait or quality the person does not fill, i think there are many more dates possible. So not only do i have a 'what i want' list, but also a 'what i don't want'. This, my friends, is key. If you put no restricstions then there is no limit, so you could just be kidding yourself, and making excuses for why they would be right. For example, You find someone who is adorable and kind, and just everything you think. But they slack off at work, arent tidy, and tends to be arrogant. And you say "Oh its okay, they will get better, and its just nothing. It doesnt matter". Are you joking yourself? If something is not right. Quit. Its only going to be harder the longer you wait. So what do i not want? Cynical. Pessimistic. Who wants to be with a negative nancy all the time? Not me. I will not stand for someone who is sloppy, undependable, a tv junkie, flirts with others, nor extremely shy. Again, these are definetly not all, but i do have my standards up high. No, i, won't find mr. perfect, especially the first time round, but i can get close. We can all get close. We can also learn to deal with the silly differences between one another. So i am a senior in high school and thinking about this. Probably because i can't wait. Though i should. Probably because i know so many people who have just gotten married or are engaged. And its crazy. I will be in college in a year and working towards my future of that, but i want it to be perfect. I guess that is that. I should probably stop here.

Aside from that i read a scripture saying, "Wickedness never was happiness". Wow. Those words could never be more true. I think we have all learned this from experience as well. I know I have. And I have learned that repentance and forgiveness are amazing. We all do silly things we regret. And turning to the Lord truly is the best way to handle it. Do I always say this? Maybe because I am the one frequently making those mistakes. Maybe not ideal but the Lord sent us here for these trials. He would never give us anything that we couldn't handle. That is why change, for the best is always good as well. For the best.

Bop til you Drop

Religion is so difficult. At least, to converse civilly about it with one another. What I believe compared to what you believe may be completely different, yet it might be similar in ways as well. Please, try to explain to me the taste of salt. Or water. Can you do it? And if you can, guarrantee it will be entirely diverse. And arguing over the matter will come to no conclusion. I guess i have just been struggling explaining my views lately and its rough when its a friend, who is completly new to it.

So this is the last week of summer. Time doesnt stop. I suppose i could say my break has been nice. I have experienced some things. Some fun. Some not so fun. Life changing even. Two weeks ago i hated the sound of school. Now i am completly excited. Well, not exactly for school, however i have really easy classes this year, but to finish. To be the top crop. And to graduate on June First.

Today i saw two friends for the last time for a while. I cant believe they will be gone. Off to the big school in Utah. And yesterday was official that two other friends are transferring to Hanford. And Sarah will be gone for half the school day, and we have zero classes. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? Why would i try to make new friends my senior year? I have learned that is probably not the smartest. Especially if they are fraud!

So i think i have something for children. Like a connection. Is that the weirdest thing to hear or what. I just love the kids i nanny, and i will have a new family during the school year as well. Just every time i see a baby or small cute child i have an urge to go to them. Ha. I sounds silly. I love it.

My thoughts have just been all over and i have no clue how to sort them or explain them. Call me an insane girl.

This year will be fun.

Truth or Dare

Truth or Dare. Naturally, a game played most frequently played amongst many parties by kids, teens and young adults. Game quality, probably not so great, especially when the game will end up like, when you lick a spit ball, and french kiss the guy you like with out any questions asked afterward. Or, just silly things like that. I try not to play to extremes, it is just so silly, so i would say truth. However, isn't life just this? A game of Truth or Dare? Without the choice? I was pondering this thought and it just kept growing; because, Yes. We are constantly asked questions we may or may not want to answer, but it might be the key to something of great importance. And by "dare", it will probably not be that literal, but we all will take chances. We MUST take chances, my goodness, so many people waste away their lives, wishing upon what they could have done, or what would have happened. Come on people? Brave it. Go against the world and dare something. And not only take chances, and risk being shut down, but take chances for those things, and people you care about. Being put down builds character. And like they always so, 'you'll never know, til you try' eh?

So today is Wednesday. We all know what this means. Well i do; i go home in 5 days. Dang. I kinda don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to leave. It has been so much fun to be away and with so many people i love. So i will try to make even more memories and fun times while i am here. And then when i get home, the count down will be for thanksgiving. All the friends started school today, so now we only have afternoons, and this weekend. Adventure Time.

Today i woke up at 12. And my grandma asked if i wanted to go shopping. Oh how i love vacation and not worrying about anything. It is really, really nice. Going back to school will be hard. Especially with everyone leaving. To college. To other highschools. To work. To other countries. Its life. And sometimes it is so dang hard.

I love complementing people. Actually strangers. I love talking to strangers. It makes me happy and feels good. I love being insane. I love getting complements. I love people.

Also while i have been in AZ i have been listening to all my old music. Yes it is pop. But i love it. Like all my backstreet boys, N'SYNC, 98 Degrees, Sugar Ray, Celin Dion..and much more. Oh yeah its my life right now.

So one more thing. Maybe it is just me. Or even just a girl thing. But probably not all. So is it weird that i feel totally comfortable around guys? Like all guys. I think that when i am with most girls, besides my ladies, that i just feel i am up for a competition or something which is so sooo dumb. But, with guys they either like you or don't. Most of the time, they are not fake. I don't really know how to add to that. It is just what i have realized, like at home and here.

That is That........

Weekend Update

Well, i made it to the heat. And it is quite for sure THE HEAT. When it is hot in the tri, it is nice, and then you can go swimming, and still step outside. But down here in Mesa, its hooot. Like the air conditioning has to be blasting plus all the fans in the house. And then i walk outside, and its like every last bit of energy i had is sucked out. But also, i can say the pool is really nice. And its just there for whenever. And i never thought i would, but we even jumped in the hot tub one night. It was crazy, because at 10:00 it is still like 90 degrees. I am just excited to come back down here in November when it will actually be delicious weather. I must say however, the shopping is way fabulous. There are way too many malls, but the two that i love just have everything you can imagine. Maybe it is just the girl in me, for the love of shopping, but oh well. I like guys with a nice taste.

So i went to the Mesa Science Museum. I remember going when i was younger, and it was awesome, so i thought it would be fun. And it was. There is so much that is hands on, and all different exhibits, yet they are famous for the dinosaur part. There are so many dino replica's an then a bunch of bones, and even this whole scenery that has a cool flash flood every so often. Just call me a child. I loved it.

Then last night i went to Captain America. It was cheesy. But, for being a Super Hero movie, it was way legit. Graphics- Nice. Originality- Fine. Chris Evans- Babe. Loved it.

And i cant wait for everyone to leave to college. It will be the best worst thing.

That is That...

now..

I havent written in a while. I think it was best, because i would start writting but then erased it. I would have regretted letting the world know certain things. But basically i have been thinking a lot about time. And how there isn't a lot. I mean, i nanny kids, so the whole time, i try to have fun, but like any job we have we are subconciously thinking "How much time left?". Maybe i am the only one, highly doubt it. But i can't believe i will be a senior. One year til freedom. And i am always talking about how i look forward to leaving and getting out of here. But i decided i really need to use my time. And use it wisely. This summer is already almost over. Just flying by. And half of my friends are headed to college. So, alothough i am dead by the end of my days, i have been trying to fit as much into my schedule. Some people don't like busy, but i love it. I feel like when i am sitting doing nothing, that i am just wasting a way. So i am always on the go. And loving it. I want to spend as much time with all the different people leaving at the end of the summer, while also having the summer adventures with the ladies. I think it is just important to not hope for the best for tomorrow. Think about now, because now is what matters most.

But with being a senior this year, there is so much to think about, college, work, and whatever comes next. Everybody is asking me what i want to do, and what my plans are. Maybe i just say "I plan ongoing to BYU-I", as my "i dont know yet". Yes i do want to go there, yet there are still so many options of which i dont want to think about til time. I just want to live it up now. I love seeing old friends and i am gong to arizona to visit friends and family for two weeks, and then hopefully try to make it up to canada for a week to see the fam.

I went to church with Travis today. I have never attended Bethel before, let alone, any church outside of my own. It was definitely a different experience. Yeah i felt welcome, and it was nice, just not what i am used to. The sermon was pretty nice as well, talking about how the rich rule over the poor, and how life will always be this way. And about what we can give to the Lord, when he already owns everything in the world. We can give service, and give ourselves to those who have less than we. God has blessed us with the riches we have, whether they are spiritual gifts or physical gifts, and he has asked us to share them with those around us. Our love and service to others, is what we can give to the Lord.

Other than crazy life in general i have just been watching my babies. I have one more very long week ahead of me and then a break. Also last thursday marked Avery's one year day. So, one more year left. I have a feeling it will be mighty quick for sure. I connected with one of his companions who just got home, and Avery became really close with him, and was sad when he left. But i will definitly be keeping in touch with him. And hopefully start writing some more.

Well..looks like i have 9 hour weeks every day this week. I think its good though. I have a fun filled baby day all day, and then chill time at night. Yesterday with the little ladies we saw deer by the pool. Crazy right? Also they are my little "Country Girls". We blasted country music while dancing and painting pictures. And they sang along. Cutest moment of my life. Gosh i love them. I love being mom. Its crazy, i know. Just call me crazy. But besides the actual nannying part. I bike almost every day as well. It is a great ride and i love riding by the river. I usually take different routes and look at all the beautiful houses. It is SO fun.

I guess that is it. It is too early. And i would start too much ambiguity.

Baby time..

I get into it too much..

I will start basic. I am happy. For the most part. Confused. Content. And absolutely Happy. I love love love nanny-ing. It is definalty a good patience lesson and great money, and very much keeping me busy. And it is not fast food. Thanks heavens. Dealing with a 9 year old, 2 year old, and 5 month old, is not the easiest but i like it. Changing diapers, making bottles, watching baby shows and swimming in the baby pool. That is what i am talking about a good time. Then my other family, 3 little girls, 8, 5, and 2. It is just fun fun FUN. They are so girly and at the two older ones are mostly independant. But i have so much fun doing their hair, having tea parties, and swimming with them. And the little one is just absolutely the epidamy of adorable. Like the little girl off of Dispicable Me...X10. I feel like such a mother. Is that right? I especially love that fact how loved i am by them. They wont let go when i have to leave, and i am actually having a good time. I love children. That is that. If i were invited to a party or asked to babysit my one favorite family, i would choose to sit. The one girl is 8 and one of my best friends. For real. And the little 11 month old is so much fun. Okay maybe i am being overload and sound fluffy, but i love it. I cant wait for my own.
My 4th of July was spent well. Again, i hung out with noone my age. All under the age of 12. But i had a blast. Swimming and Jet skiing with the little ones was a blast, minus the fact that Kadee claims she swallowed a fish so would not tube anymore and just wanted to ride. She has quite the appetite. I also learned that, again with little children, they get jealous easily. I was with them at the pool, then the other girls i babysit came. All of them wanted to be with me. Wanted me to hold them and throw them in. So. I had like 5 kids. Yay. But i like it.
But i decided that i love little children because normal people my age can be annoying. Like when you have a party. Some guys came. YAY. For 5 minutes. Then left without saying a word. Lower than low? Yes. I hadnt seen them in like 5 months. We were talking having a good time then boom. Ok? So us ladies decided that Poo mountain is better. We screamed our feelings. Climbed barefoot in the sand. Drank away the pain. With orange juice. And totally decided they are less than worth it. Hmm..yeah. And yesterday for Sarahs birthday we gossipped about guys. Is that the right word? Maybe not. Maybe it was confession. Maybe talk. Watching Aquamarine gave us a grand understanding that Ben & Jerry are the only real men in this world. So we made a video in yokes and the guy that told us to be quiet or leave was really legit. Of course we were insane but found the ice cream. And downed four cartons like no other and laughing. Which brings me to the conclusion of why i was in a barfing and not in a conscious state last night. I probably wont do that again. But it felt good before. And yesterday was yet another adventure. We went to Top of the World--the mountain where people go---and we watched She's the Man. And danced. And laughed. And ate cup cakes. Then some guy came up on his truck and told us to move. Seems to be a usual for us. Then he attempted flirting with us and telling us about the snake where we just were and how he ran it over. Not impressed. I had actually never been up there before. But i have been told about it. It was almost a better sight of the Tri than badger. It was absolutely beautiful. We saw even more fire works, and even more people came up. Its the place.
I can't believe it. On July 21, Avery will have been out a year. This is insane. I feel like just yesterday i was saying goodbye to him. And in one year i will be able to say hello again. And we will both be headed to college. eeee. I love that boy so much. I love the letters and love finding out about his new comps. Yay.

A while ago my dad told me that he was seeing an acupuncturist. I was like 'what the heck no way'? He asked if i wanted to go. Finally i am actually going. Appointment made. I hope it will help. I love natural medicine. I love that my dad is a Chiropractor and can heal me so well. Even if it means healthy healthy healthy.

So what this past week has come down to has been difficult. I was asked something i never though i would be asked. Well, i guess of course i would. I have considered it but it is just for other people. But, Travis asked about my religion. He had been doing much research of his own. I talked with him and Aaron about this issue, of our difference in faiths and how they have found contradictions. Of course, with them being great guys, and friends which i wish not to lose, i am willing to listen to what they have to say. Yes, it has been hard. I want to kick it to the back burner, but with this, Religion is key. I do not want to give it a rest yet, however i need to gather my thoughts to help me and them with our points of view. I have been praying a lot. And i talked with Ave, and some other people. I am grateful for their intentions, yet i have much to consider and tell them still. I don't quite know where i am going. I need time. That is that i suppose. I am just shocked, maybe not the right word.

I hope to clear things up with my other friend. Things have been strange.

J.J. and his band played tonight for Live at 5. I won't be modest. And i am not being bias because he is my brother, J.J. is one heck of a guitarist. I suppose when you play non stop for 7 years, you might get good. He is extremely talented and he has been working on his vocals for the past few months, and tonight was the first i had heard it. I loved it. They covered some nice classic rock, then did some orginals as well. I was pleased, and will be going to see them at Rays, next thursday. Its fun business.

I guess that IS that. i dont know much right now. i am too busy for being bored. that is nice...

Maybe I am preaching to the Choir

Why am i writing? Because i finally sat down and actually have nothing to do. Wow. It has been a while since this has been able to happen. Busy busy busy. After camp family was here and we were goin goin going all the time. My favorite usually. There are only sometimes that i will sit down do, nothing and actully be content. All the other times i just want to be out doing something whether it is simply talking to someone. Or dancing like nobody is watching. But i have been busy with the little children as well. I have fun babysitting them, although it is crazy sometimes its definitly an experience i am grateful for and have fun with. I am going to have another family here soon as well. Yay. Also i applied to help out a neighbor i used to have. She is an art teacher and just moved and will be having her art studio in her house and will need some help with the kids and what not for classes everyday after school. There was another girl who she talked with to so its a 50/50 chance. NBD. But i would be happy to have that to rely on.

Anyways..I was watching bachelorette yesterday and i hated almost every minute of it. But i still liked it. I mean I feel so sorry for Ashley because of stupid Bently..and this is a reality TV show. That is how into it i am. I really want either J.P. or Ryan to win. They are the most sincere and just adorable. I dont like watching kissing scenes, and especially when Ashley is kissing 20 different guys, and a lot in the same day, it makes me...cringe? Sarah and i had a brawl out about it. I dont know exactly why i hate it. Well maybe i do know. And i dont exaclty know my feelings towards the male species at the moment. But maybe i do know. And probably most of those i come in contact with i can handle. Then there are others i feel retarded for not getting them out of my head or thinking utterly rediculous thoughts. At this point, i mostly don't want to have any guys in my life until college. Oh wait, that is in more than a year. And as much as i would like that, it is sorta impossible. I am 17. And i am ready to be out of highschool. I have grown up being taught "date those who will be fit for marriage" and come to think of it, i probably haven't been doing so. And i have also been taught to "date ALL different guys, a variety, just to open my eyes and give me options. To see all thats out there, you know. Probably what i haven't been doing well. Maybe its the prideful part in me because when i go on a date with someone i'd rather not be with, i just think of it as a waste, and "try" to make the best of it though in my head a cant wait til its over.

Of course as i have said before i love love meeting new people. Its a good oppourtunity. Its my favorite usually, actually. But only sometimes does it ever work out. Like sometimes you will meet someone and then see them randomly and say a quick hello and be off. Sometimes you will meet those you regret you went up to, and sometimes you will meet a group of guys who are really cool, and you hang out with all year and one ends up a prom date, and another well..a close friend. Then dropped. Like no contact. I guess by saying "you", i mean me. Then with meeting new people, there are those disadvantages with them that your best friends have and they dont. Or when they go to college and nothing matters anymore. Maybe i am feeling sorry for myself. But i am not really because i hate to sound so lame and i am "moving fo-ward" as Ashley would say in bachelorette. That got so annoying. So maybe i am just hoping for new guys in my life. Why? I dont know. Maybe i dont. And maybe i am just having many irrational thoughts whenever i hang out with my other guy friends. But probably i will just go on right now keep having fun, and working with what i got because why sit around moping about what could have been, should have been, and whatv will be. Yes often i think of the "will be". Everybody does. Casual. But now is really the most important time gaining new experiences. And such that wont matter soon. Yes, college is right around the corner, which is why i shold focus on school, my work, and spending as much time as i can with those friends who will not be going to college with me, aka, most of them.

Also, i have reconected with some awesome friends this summer. I am so glad. I havent seen them in forever and i am so happy. I have been kinda a bum lately of actually going to parties because i dont really like hanging out with my "friends" that actually arent. So mostly Sarah and i have fun adventures and then end up with fun groups of poeple. Smaller get togethers are much more fun.

Ladies camp was ok. I wasn't feeling to good going up and i basically went because i had paid and its like...i dont have a word. Tradition? Well it was Year 6. My last year. 2nd time being a YCL and goodness am i ever glad to be done. Maybe i feel bad because i had some nice naps up there and didnt spend that much quality time with the girls i was over. But i did DEAR and and had some fun at dinner and what not. But there were definitly some memories made, as i knew would be. As much stuff that got messed up i really did try to have some fun. It was miserable fun. And get this: the theme was 'Happy are We'. Yeah it was perfect. Our skit kinda got ruined because someone lost the music CD. Cool. Our costumes were the best though. Casual. I was the committee leader. I missed one meeting and then got a strange part and it was ok. Everyone said they loved it. Was it really? Maybe. Just becuase its the YCL's and its kinda "expected" But anyway, i am greatful for the leaders and for Marlena Herrera. WOW she is a woman. She has yet to cease amazing me. Her stories and just everything that she says. It is all so inspirational. My eyes were opened by her. She is absolutley amazing. So throughout this last year of, again, bitter sweetness, i gained a better understanding of much, of our Lord and the blessing we recieve by doing what he asks of us. I am very much mroe than willing to not go back for a very long time. I can say, i have conquored Girls Camp. I am finished.

I probably have more to say, but at the moment i am undefined. Does that explain it? Maybe. Maybe having my own party will be fun. Maybe not. Probably actually. But whateves. ITS TOTES WHATEVES. RIGHT? that is that. i am tired

And it goes on..

Well my summer has started pretty sour and sweet. Yes i know the cliche 'sweet and sour', however the minor badness is over and it was first. So, sour and sweet. My attitude i decided needed to change. I think it has. This summer will definitely be a good one. So, i guess there is some gravitational force, maybe a magnetism, between me and cute little boys. They are just so cute and so fun, usually because they are still learning, and i like to teach them the ropes to a ladies heart. This year i was friends with many 'a fresh boys. They were so much fun to get to know and hang out with. My favorite actually. But when i decided to meet a "cute little boy" that turned out to be not so young, and was very determined to GET TO KNOW ME, i learned the hard way. Maybe i am just extremely friendly. Perhaps just a bit to smiley and laughy..flirty. Possibly it is all my FAULT to begin with. But i just didn't realize a boy could go to the extreme after one night, that he thought he would have a chance with me. I must say it was absolutely the longest most romantic, er- most non-romantic e-mail i have ever received. And was it a joke? No. He was all serious. And was he too forward? Most very yes. Apparently he didn't re-read it before sending it, because he felt it was not at all bad, or creeper, or just weird. Whateves right? No. I told him to stop texting me. And he asked why. Uhhh..i don't know? Maybe because you are weird. And you live semi far away.

Anyway. Whateves. I think i will just stick to meeting new people...that i already know will me close to norm. Eh?

But yes, This is summer has started fresh. FRESH FRESH FRESH. Especially with all this wonderful rain. But i like it. I have danced. Chilled with my ladies. Swam. Worked. And been anti social. Totes.

Ladies Camp is this week. My last year. Gabby's first. This is insane. I have gone for 5 years. Plus Treck. I guess i can say memories have been made. We still crack jokes from first and second year most. In the TEE PEE's. Yes, those were the years. And i just can't believe that i am now a leader. The one that i most looked up to and thought was SOOooOO COOL in those earlier years. But, i must say. Us, YCL's are pretty legit. And i just love that natureous outside and fire, and stars, and late nights. WITH GORGEOUS EARLY MORNINGS. But i have tried packing. So far i have some clothes. I am not in the spirit and i don't know why. I am totally not prepared and ESPECIALLY if it will be raining up there i might be miserable. Oh well, thank heavens for washer machines right? But i am sick. And have zero motivation. So i will call this a lazy year. Hopefully Sarah and I can make the best of it however. With some spontaneous acts. Or not so spon ton.

Instead of coming home from camp i was going to head up to Seattle and Forks and just have fun up there for a few days, but recently i found out that my cousins from Kansas, whom i stayed with two years ago for a month, are coming down the same time. So, i decided to stay to see them. I am excited.

So basically. Goal of this summer: Back flip on the tramp. I was mastering my front the other day, though i nearly kept flying off. so i need a bigger one. And i have tried to flip off the diving board but it is SO scary. I try, then i fail and do an embarrassing flop. Its not attractive and hurts. But i laughed.

Also not just this summer, but over this school year i have learned some things about guys. Especially when hanging out with them. They always do the same thing. Basketball. Movies or Video games. And eat. Its vain repetition yet absolutely entertaining. I don't know why. But ok.

I worked yesterday demoing razors. Worst day ever. It was the longest 6 hours of my life. I cant wait to do food again in two weeks.

That is all. I don't know why i wrote. I need to sleep. i can't move any more. ga

Don't cry because its over, be happy because it HAPPENED

If I have learned anything in life it would be that sadness does not cure anything. Seriously. When I am upset i realize how silly I am acting. When I am upset I feel like a despise the world. But when I am happy nothing can stop me. Like I always say, my FAVORITE is LAUGHING and SMILING. We should all try to be the Hugh Newman in Life. If you havn't seen the short film, Validation with T.J. Thyne and Vicki Davis. It is phenomenal and about a man who just wanted to see a smile on everyones face. He was so positive and he only brought out the good in people, seeing past their weaknesses. It really is something; I will HIGHLY recomend it. Life IS Beautiful. Despite all the cruel and evil amongts us, we can find our happy place. Rachael showed me this song one day. I fell in love. THIS. IS. a happy song:

Lemonade--Chris Rice

So go ahead and ask her
For happy ever after
'Cause nobody knows what's coming
So why not take a chance on loving
Come on, pour the glass and tempt me
Either half-full or half-empty
'Cause if it all comes down to flavor
The glass is tipping in my favor

Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky
I live life without pretending
I'm a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!

Now take your time to answer me
For the beauty of romancing
Is to calm your trembling hand with mine
While begging love to fill your eyes
I can hardly breathe while waiting
To find out what your heart is saying
And as we're swirling in this flavor
The world is tilting in our favor

Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky
I live life without pretending
I'm a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!

I've got it made
Rest in the shade
And hold my love
While God above
Stirs with a spoon
We share the moon
Smile at the bees
More sugar please
He really loves us after all
We're gonna need another straw!
We're gonna need another straw!

Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky..
life gave me lemonade and i can't imagine why
born on a sunny day benath the tangerene sky
I live life without pretending
I'm a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!

I cant believe how ready i am for school to be done. Then one year left. WOW. Where did the time go? Live TODAY like there is no tomorrow. NOTHING will get better by just waiting. Dont sit on your bum telling the person to come in when they knock on the door. GET UP AND ANSWER IT. There are so many golden opportunities we probably take for granted but we shoulden't. Take ON THE STOOOOOORRM. Bring on THE RAIN. I always say, "Life is not about getting through the strom, its about learning how to dance in the RAIN".

UMMM..Today Sarah and I realized why guys think we are so confusing. We had a magnificent brawl out talking about how rediculous we are...BUT SO ARE THEY. THEY NEED TO TALK. NOT PRETEND. But so are we. BUT NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO. IT IS DIFFICULT. Comunication is key. And so are friends. What would i do with out knowing i can always turn to sarah and of course our dear Lord. He is the one who is always there when the world turns you away. It is really, REALLY hard sometimes, but in the end I know He will make things turn out right. Maybe it will be good to get away in the summer. But still not ideal. I just need a brain rinse actually. Dang. Oh well.

Portland was the place. We had some nice casual adventures. Met some cool people. Ate some delicious food. Pretty much we roamed the town on our own, Sarah, Juliette and i. There were so many great sights to see, and my eyes were defiantly widened. Probably evne more so than when i was in seattle. Soo so many homeless people. But it was a good exoerence. Many talented musicians as well. Some not so much, yet entertaining to watch. Taking the MAX, light rail train thing was an adventure in itself. Usually so mant people were on it, and even so we were squished and had to stand up. But there was one point, saturday night, after a really long day we were noticng how bumpy and fun the ride was and sarah was like "Harm, i just thought it would be SO cool to hang a hamick between the two bars". And sudennly i had a great Epiphany. So i was like "OR we could just climb up and swing from the bars. SO. That we did. We waited for the last person to get off and hit the bars. It was way too fun. And like a traveling playground. It wasn't until after wards that we realized there were cameras. Ha. We are brilliant. Yet, nothing came of it. I am sure the conducters had their day made.

I am trying to stay as positive as possible. It is not simple. How do i keep my cool? Ga. I can do it. Napoleon Dynamite made me happy. Kip "Peace Out". loves

Sure...LittleboyFest..YO

First of all though, Seattle was BE-A-UTIFUL. The sun was shining so bright and it was a perfect day to be by the peer. Getting into the concert however, i have never stood in such a long line of screaming little children. But i saw some awesome..interesting people. Many of which were playin or dancing on the street..or simply walking around. It is some good sight seeing. I just don't know if i could handle living in such a big crazy city.

Before the concert even started, the lead singer, Eric, from Letters and Lights came up to us and gave us a card so we could get his new singal for free. He was SO attractive about it in every way. He wore a white V-neck that matched his pearly teeth. Then about a hald hour later, he was standing behind watching us dance, he came up and asked for some gum. HE ASKED US :) I had some and gave it to him. I feel so close to him now ha. Then we so took a picture with him. I will see that guy again. We were connected from the beginning.

But the ones who performed were Shane Harper, yes THE Shane Harper who is absolutely amazing. AKA the boyfriend off of Good Luck Charlie. He played all acustic and it was the cutest music of my life..in my ears. We got in line to meet him, yet sadly right before we got to him he had to leave. Although he did wave and smile at us..and started dancing becuase we were. YUUUS. I am so going to a concert of his. ASAP. Then there was this little 11, yes 11 year old girl, like Miley Cyrus status. But i did not like her. She was obnoxious and had a bad voice. And it was like death metal practically. The stars of the night came out next and oh jeeeeeze. FINE. Greyson is cute and Cody is a babe. From Australia. Yes i was inlove. I think that Rachael nearly killed me from her excitemt. I didn't know it was possible to freak out of these kids. But really they are talented and i still can't believe that i was there. Dont Make Fun. Just call me a Couger? I definatly got a work out from dancing though. And we even had a bit of an audience and got some laughs. Also this one girl couldn't get enough of us ha. She said she loved us so much and that we should get to meet Shane ha. Yeah. I sure love strangers. Especially in Seattle. Lets just move the party over there?

I guess that Nutella is not healthy. Dang It is my favoirte food.

Also i love Hot Rod. That movie is grand. I watched it and forgot how much i loved it.

I love my job. ACTUALLY its nice. I like seeing all the people and putting together food. Maybe not standing for hours at a time. But i am way grateful for it. That is for sure. I have met so many interesting folk. And people automatically love me for giving them delicious free food. I maybe just wish for a chair. Yep that is it.

I had a really great lesson in church on sunday. Bishop Bird talked about how living under Christs discipline is the best way we can go about our lives. He juxtaposed a horse being "broken in" and how they use a bridle to help shape their lives. We are going to make desicions in life whether they are right or wrong. Lets face it we are all rebellios at times. Even when we KNOW it is wrong. Why we do this? Peer pressure? Its "FUN"? ITS COOL?. When we bridle a horse, we put the bit in their mouth and we are in control of the reigns. And when the horse chooses to go the wrong way we pull those reigns and take them back to the path. This is one of the greatest ways we can teach a horse to behave, and just like us it works extremely well. We have many who are helping to shape us for the best as well; our parents, leaders, and just those whom we respect, although as much as we love them we are not always going to obey. Any one will say that they love their mom SO much, and then go and disobey, so some will interpret that for "oh, so they don't really love their mother". But Jesus Christ is the one who died for ALL of our sins and he knows that we are not perfect. But we can all say that we love him, and we will still rebel against his guidence and do what WE feel will be the best choice in the end. When do we really? HE wants us to be the best we can and he LOVES us so HE is willing to give us more and more chances, but his teachings and commandements are what we should be following everyday and they are what will keep us on the right track.

Also on sunday i went to my little Kadee's Baptism. It was so special and great. Gabby and I sang and it actually went way better than i thought is would be. I was way grateful and it felt great.

So. I learned that friends are my favorite. Nothing more needs to happen. "Relationships" are definalty a joke. Cliche. Until college that is, when you can actually start to be serious. That is that. I leanred not really the hard way. It was a good..fun..expererience..

I am excited to get out with the home slizzle this weekend to portland. Ye--AHHH..i love that woman. it will be an adventure. As every day is. Hippie lish. Loves

Bow Chicka Wow WOOOWW...yeah love

River Walks are my Favorite.

I guess i am in a strange mood. Some good and some bad.

So many of you have probably heard about the girl who was killed in the fire this last weekend. I guess I heard a lot about it but didn't really think about it or care. But even though i didn't know her i decided i need to show sympathy. Mostly i bring this up because i have a friend in class, who was very close with this girl. So we talked about it and even though i know nothing of her, i tried to relate as much as i could and help her. I don't like when i can not help and i just feel kinda lame. So i am going to try to start caring more, and really, i think i might like to do that in the future. I have though of so many careers that i would like to do, and counciling, sounds like a win for me. I might at least try it. I would actually like to get into working with teens that have addictions so maybe working at center like a half way house or juvinile center. Does that sound strange? I guess lots of people don't think its my thing, but from what i have looked into, i want to very much so.

This last weekend was QUITE the weekend. I tell you. The Talent show was amazing. And Work was fun..though i think i should start wearing some better shoes. And i found out real quickly that rejection angers me. But i know i just have to keep smiling any ways. And i only had 45 minutes to get ready for prom. I feel extremely proud of my self actuall. I mean..what do you girls do to get ready for prom that takes 5 hours? Please, i would like to know ha. But the whole Liberty event was planned well and we even had a nice back up plan for when the crazy storm hit. But all in all the boat ride dinner limo and dance and socializing..and Kyle Collins made the night way fab. And i love walks at the River. With a certain person. They suffice me well.

Today was not good. I guess i kinda did learn my lesson about who and what i should tell. Even if it is about me and my business. I don't like when other people put me down because of it. I can't wait til tomorrow. Time to get away with Rachael and go see that little boy we love. the one and only CODY SIMPSON. But sadly we must miss our favorite class..American lit. But not much, because the wonderful man we call our teacher..and Rachaels father is taking us! yes.

Um..i thought that in photography we were to take pictures. Apparently we must do more. We were to take a self portrait make it crazy. And now we are to write a peom of ourselves. I loove writing peoms. BUT. About myself? I just have much thinking to do. That is for sure.

oooh JEEEZE..

Crap. I think I need to start thinking before I say things that are contreversal or "potentialy offensive" stuff unless i do know what i am talking about. REALLY. Because then some people who don't understand what I don't understand just freak out on my and ask me to delete their number from my phone. Well okay. That is just splendid. According to him, I am a selfish rude human being who doesn't care about others and all I do is go around wanting everything according to me. WOW. Well he thought that i didn't care about the people who were killed. That is TOTALLY not at ALL what I was saying..so just I hope he can take a chill and let me explain myself. Also because he is now gone, does NOT mean we should be "celebrating" and puting his face all over the internet. Peace and Love y'all.

Prom was very fun. The whole night was planned splendidly. I loved going with all sophimorie boys. They definatly knew how to make the night right. I would tell all about it but i don't want to strike any jealousy...doesn't mean it can't be beat.

T-minus 14 days til Cody Simpson. I do say, I am thinking this will be an ideal month. Much to look forward to. I think I will party hard with Sarah for my birthday. Eat some South of the Border Soup and chill with the fam bam. I decided I didn't want to go out to eat, because it is not good. Well, there are some exceptions but I would much rather stay at home with everyone. Looks like I will not be getting a new phone however. I think my parents are trying to have my worldly connections to a minimality. Does that make sense? They don't want me to text, and they know how much I hate my phone..so I might kill it soon, and then I won't have a phone at all. Then they may be pleased. That might be cool. Except for sometimes I like my phone. Because I like to talk. A lot. So, i knda have it with me wherever I go. Which means my parents have contact with me. Probably the only reason they let me have a phone. But really, they are very much time consumers. Well texting is. My goodness it is.

Um..I really love that it is May and it is still freezing cold. Actually I hate it. Last year on the day after my birthday I remeber I was wearing my Bob Marley shirt and it was black. And I just about died of degydration becuase it was sooo hot outside. I hate the wind. I am already always cold, so lame cold weather is not good. I love the rain, and I want a rain room in my house when I grow up. That is right, not a sun room, a RAIN room. i want to wear shorts. so i want to get tan. so this weather needs to be punched in the face and become hot. My mom was saying how she was going to the pool to renew our membership. yes. i love Indian Springs.

I will be 17 tomorrow. My first thought: I can do spells and work magic outside of Hogwarts.

I am planning on this weekend being a good one. I have much planned and it better hold out well.

I love dressing hippie. I love not doing my hair. I love meeting new people. It is so fun. And talking to nice strangers at the store.

I also love mutual. Wednesday nights are awesome. I love talking with Kaloni and Shaina..ha best ever. Camp this year will be outstanding. BECAUSE HAPPY ARE WE!

i also love ice cream cake.

and pete..the one who kisses me..

and boys are insane. especially those that have huge mouths. and think they are cool.

and the future should be good. word.

well..i can't believe it..

Today was strange.

Probably because of Every 15 Minutes .

Just as well, the wind probably added to it. It really makes me mad.

But what was strange was after math i was walking back down the hall and there was this girl. I didn't know her and I didnt think anything of it, but she was balling her eyes out. I guess i kinda stared at her, but wouldn't you? I didn't mean to and then she caught my glimpse and kinda came over to me and started telling me all of these aches in her life. She was saying how her boyfriend's ex is pregnant, and now she can't go to prom and her friend ditched her and just kept going on. I was like, oh man, what is happening. Is this real? It was so hard because I had no idea who she was. I just said prayer that something would happen so i wouldnt sound stupid or be rude to her. So i just stood there for a minute and listened. I didnt want to say anything that would not be right, like the cliche "oh everything is going to be alright", because i mean i don't even know anything else much about her. SO..i asked her who some others she knew were, and told her that i was willing to listen but i really had to go. I gave her my number and told her she could call me if she wanted any help because at the moment i was just flustered. Was that wise??..I dont know HER. I guess i have a new friend? :) i just hope i made the right choice, although right now i am really just not knowing what to think. I guess it was a blessing to her and the Lord knew i could handle it. Just wheI thought that i had a bunch craziness in my life, i ran into this girl, and now I can think less of myself. I say it was a great opportunity, but i just pray for the girl, and hope things can go well.

Also i hoped to have another couple in our prom group..who didnt have a group and i am just getting to know the girl..but i guess that 4 couples is too many. Dang. Not my choice either. Oh well. I like how its all Sophomore boys, with Junior girl dates. Yeah. Prom is on SATURDAY, two days. I think i am considering it as more of a tolo. Ha, it will be nice.

I think that psychology was fun today. Sarah made me a rebel. There was a sub, so i moved my desk and we listened to MUSIC!..and i ate my breakfast. I thought for sure we would get socked in the face..but actually it was totally FINE. looove when subs are in town.

Hey shy boi: We've still got to dance. I am no senior, but i am white. We will.

HOME BOI

Patience is a Virtue. Wow. Yes. And I am guilty of being extremely quite the contraire. Maybe because I just don't even try because I would rather be upset and have everyone know. But I have definatly realized that blowing up at someone is so not the answer. Maybe I am just BI-POLAR!!! Yeah. Because one second I will be happi and then someone will just kick my stand and I will be a monster. Or maybe I just over react. Whatever it it, needs to come to an end. Or at least be lessened. Probably my weakest with this is dealing with Gabby. She is my sister and honestly I can really treat her like crap a lot of times. I don't even take to notice when I am, but then once I look back on what I have done I think of my self as a down right selfish, careless, hypocrite. So I have decided that I need to start putting others before myself for the reason of understanding them better. And help them. So that I am not only thinking about my oh so sad life. Because its not. I need to take heed of all the other helpless people in the world who are having the worst of times. I need to REACH A HAND. Okay I am not trying to sound like a preacher. I am going to try to be more giving because from I have been taught and learned in the past, giving much will lead to getting, weather from the Lord in blessings or material. And with Him by our side we can do all. Through all of our callings we are given. Because, again, He will not give us something to take on that we are unable of. He knows our capabilities and disabilities and is going to guide and help us through all the way. So, I am working harder on being patient and more loving and giving to others.

I answered Talmage. Wow Best experience of MY LIFE. Sarah and I went to Albertsons and bought baby wipes and baby food..and T.P. and a can of corn. And we told Him that I would answer him today. So he went to do prom prep and we went over to do his room. I must say, that kid CRACKS ME UP. First the back gate was just open and he made an arrow pointing to his room made out of badmitten rackets. And his window was partway open with chairs stacked up so we could "sneak in". Then on the table was a sign that said "for sarah and harmony" and it pointed to Root Beer and the confetti eggs he made that he told us about. I couldn't stop laughing. We totally tore UP his room with amazing T.P.-ing and awesome signs with babyness and just amazing. So that was an adventure. Then when we got out we almost got blown over by the wind, you know how it is up by Badger Mountain. And we found a lost garbage can in the middle of the street that belongs way far down. So we loaded it in the van and almost died from the wind, and secretly returned it to his home. Oh what a day.

Cody Simpson: T minus 22 days. His new song On My Mind is FABULICIOUS. He is by FAR, better than JB. His voice that is. And just everything. He is just growing up so much and he new song sounds kind of like David Archuleta. Remember him? Yeah he is good. Just Like Aaron Carter...and Jesse McCartney and of course Billy Gilman. Boy, do I love young boy singers or what. They have all just got my heart on a High Speed Chase. THAT is for certain.

17 is probably not a memorable age. Except I can watch R movies. And play violent video games. YEESSSS. Both of which I have been waiting for FOREVER. Actually no. It is so not memorable that I will probably just chill. I like going to parties but I am not much of a fan of actually planning and having my own. So last year was nice because with a surprise party you don't have to plan it but you still have one. It was great. I guess I will see what Sarah and I can spontaneously muster up.

So my grandparents came this Easter weekend. I love when they come because they are so loving and giving, well except that my grandma is still stuck back in the 1400's and needs to not judge how I dress and how I look. My grandpa really is one of my favorite people and one of whom I look up to so much. We have great deep discussions of the gospel and boys, and hockey. Yeah he gives me awesome advice of guys. And that I should stay away unless they are tall, nice, and drive a hot red car. But he also tells me to be careful because he knows how many guys are chasing me. And it is okay to date some of them, but as long as I end up with a hot red car. He tells me to be grateful for my heitgh, wich i LOVE, and for my legs, which are helpful for out running the men. And so I also love being with him when we go to the mall. I love all the looks and comments I get from people. Well, actually most of the time its just the repetitive people that make me angry with telling me how short they feel. But the complements I get about how I can work it, I love.

Boys. Word. That is all.

boredom strikes

i attempted to answer Talmage. yes. attempted. maybe i will just be really lame and tell him yes. his MAJOR pet peeve. or maybe i will just say no. HA. yeah, that would solve much. because i have a dress problem. indeed. i actually have like 5 to choose from. BUT few are ready, and the original does not match. i mean unless he wants to wear a brown...or PINK tux. the dress is pink and brown..it just would not subdue. so. that is my mid life dilema at the momento. but actually, Prom. With the babies. i think this night will be a fun success.

so cody simpson concert is in..27 days. and my birthday is even sooner. weird? 17. WOO. THAT is THE age.

my dad asked me when i will grow out of my country music stage. except for t swizz. she is acceptable. and i am heart broken that he wants me to take off all of the songs that say beer. or soemthing like that. i made the exception of all the ones that say WHISKEY. yeah. actually i will try to hold off and not delete any. country is some of my love. it's so expresive and just. AH-mazing. its how i do.



yesterday i was going to babysit my favorite girls. but then i ended up not needing to, though i still went over to chill with the little ladies. i do say, i had a BLAST. thats some true happiness righht there. being a child again.

when will this flippin beautiful weather set in place is what I want to know. stupid ground hog was a liar.

canucks won and played well..then lost..but they took a commanding 3-0 series lead. YEAH.

so i am very happi. and happi people i am attrackted to. so if you are happi, then we are a good match. i looove so many people and i am grateful for all of their good works and charity towards me. i wish to be more charitable. actually i am really trying to be more humble. i know someone. she is the most humble lady i have ever met, and i honor and love her dearly. she is the greatest example to me. she is so kind and truthful and really just a great person to be around. i'll count her as one of my role models. i have known her for so long now and i have never thought less of her ever. she must be the prize winner for blessings these days. i hope to be like her. that is a goal.

Yo..that means Yes

I have learned a lot in the past couple weeks and all of which have helped me with many decisions.. Last weekend I spent in Rexburg with family and visiting BYU-I. Awesome Experience. Great School. I also visited the brand new built this year, high school. Madison High. And with the experience of staying with extended family and seeing all the new and talkeing about the future, we talked about the fact that "Where ever you go; There you are". Meaning we may not be able to choose the enviroment we live in now, or the people whom we are surrounded by, yet we can choose how to live our lives, and who we want to associate with to live life to the fullest. Yet, if we think that by running away from problems we face will make everything better, we just might find out that is definatly not the solution. There are those exceptions such as a bad job, or something that really can not be fixed,but most of the time there are many ways to figure out how to fix the problem. Running away with out mending what might be building up inside is just not the answer, so i want to be sure and have that taken care of before moving along. And if i choose to go in a different direction, I am not thinking that the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. It's not. But, with this choice of advancement to a new place can be a chance for personal growth and finding out new things of myself. Also, this is a chance for new parts to shine.ha

I also was retold that the trials we face were put on us because the Lord knows we are strong enough to over come them. So in other words, we have already punched them in the face and we just need to realize that we WILL get through them. We are strong. And with that, our minds our STRONG. They are quite literally the most powerful drug there is. We have the ability to do almost whatever we believe. We all know it as, Placebo Effect. I mean how are we even to know that any real pills work? There is that general idea because of certain symptoms they clear, but I know in many cases, it is just the mind healing the body. I love that. And this has been proven all too much through out my life. And if you know at all about Mark Twain who was born on the day Halleys Commet showed, he believed and had the goal to live to see it again, and through all the pain and struggle he lived through, he believed and waited to see her, and the next time she showed, was the day he passed. Our minds are wonderful. We CAN do whatever we set our hearts to.

Okay, so over all I can say my Spring break was pretty nice. It was spent well with many events although I didnt see all those whom I wished. Besides Rexburg, I did get to go skiing with my mom on a most beautiful day up at Bluewood. I had never been there before and was shocked at how small it was when I arrived, but the slopes we great and there was so much powder that day, and not too mention awesome snow, AND sunshine! It really was a great day. And with the oh so beautiful weather i was able to be outside so much.

I love my friends. So then I think that is one of the only cons with the decision on my soldiers. Where would I be with out them right now? I always feel like they don't care about me, so why should I try to make plans and hang with them? But they are my venting machines and some of the greatest people ever. How can I let go of them? Ga. But there are so many pros to the other side. I just have to remember that the Lord knows all and he will help me choose best.

I just. Don't. Know. Probably my answer right now to anything you will ask me.

Richland Prom is soon. ? I KNOW who I am going with? Weird?

That is that.

I wish there was more.

...I can speak Frenglish..

Today while walking in the hall I saw my Monsier Koller. I always feel so awkward and want to avoid him, yet so onliged to at least say hello. But then I alwys end up freaking out because I must speak french. So today I saw him coming towards me and of course he says "Bonjour Penelope!!" and I totally am in shock. BUT WHY? I took 3 YEARS OF FRENCH. And all I say is a very simple and shy...hi. Gaaaa. I feel so lame. I couldnt even say a simple SALUT..or gaaa..I am unhappi with my not well of french speaking. Goes to show how pro I am. I can speak Frenglish..woo

I will not play at Tug O' war I'd rather play at Hug O' war Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug,Where everyone kisses and everyone grins,And everyone cuddles, And everyone wins.Can I just say.

That is my very favorite poem. EVER. I love Shel Silverstein.

So. Talmage asked me to prom. YES. I SO did not see that coming. Yay. Well looks like Sarah got asked by a sophomore as well, so this should be a party..REALLY. :) I am just loving the idea of guys making all the plans and paying..best part. And I really don't want to wear a dress. Serious. Oh well. I should probably answer him one of these days. Maybe.

Sooo..today Avery wrote to tell he is FINALLY getting transferred!! He will be in the town of St. Stephen, known as The Chocolate Town, in New Brunswick. And, GET THIS. He is District Leader! Woohoo I am so proud of him and love and miss him so much, but I really do know he is in the best place he can be in his life right now. http://www.town.ststephen.nb.ca/

I wish I were more inspiring. I find so many people around me doing that to me though. I like you by the way. You impact my life greatly. One day I wish to do the same. To leave a mark and help someone else who needs it. By words, and probably more as well.

Ummm..Bakka comes on Thursday. Best Ever. I love him. He is my favorite Inspiration.

Van Back.

Hit garbage cans.

Tangled is my favorite.

Boys. Who Knew? They are SOME creatures. And have distince Smells. NIIIICE. Why freak out saying there arent enough fish in the tri-ocean. I just like the little ponds I find. They kinda the best actually. And guy friends are way fun. But. College will be a good sea.

GO AHEAD, Take chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Say no. Spend all your cash. Get to know some one random. Be random. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at stupid jokes. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Tell a jerk what you thin k. Laugh until your stomach hurts. Live life. Regret nothing.

Sooo..Did you know:

*Chicken soup really makes you feel better

*Kissing is healthy*Bananas are good for cramps

*Its true. Guys do insult you, when they like you.

*89% of guys want the girl to make the first move.

*Girls love it when guys hug them from behind the waist.

*Chocolate makes you feel better.

*Girls love it when guys give them their jacket or hoodie to wear.

*Guys think it's cute when you mess up...

Yep..today was great. But I have not much to say. You are awesome. I wish for you, if you have not, to watch the short video, Validation. Find it on YouTube. It makes me SO happi.

That, Is That.