Maybe I am preaching to the Choir

Why am i writing? Because i finally sat down and actually have nothing to do. Wow. It has been a while since this has been able to happen. Busy busy busy. After camp family was here and we were goin goin going all the time. My favorite usually. There are only sometimes that i will sit down do, nothing and actully be content. All the other times i just want to be out doing something whether it is simply talking to someone. Or dancing like nobody is watching. But i have been busy with the little children as well. I have fun babysitting them, although it is crazy sometimes its definitly an experience i am grateful for and have fun with. I am going to have another family here soon as well. Yay. Also i applied to help out a neighbor i used to have. She is an art teacher and just moved and will be having her art studio in her house and will need some help with the kids and what not for classes everyday after school. There was another girl who she talked with to so its a 50/50 chance. NBD. But i would be happy to have that to rely on.

Anyways..I was watching bachelorette yesterday and i hated almost every minute of it. But i still liked it. I mean I feel so sorry for Ashley because of stupid Bently..and this is a reality TV show. That is how into it i am. I really want either J.P. or Ryan to win. They are the most sincere and just adorable. I dont like watching kissing scenes, and especially when Ashley is kissing 20 different guys, and a lot in the same day, it makes me...cringe? Sarah and i had a brawl out about it. I dont know exactly why i hate it. Well maybe i do know. And i dont exaclty know my feelings towards the male species at the moment. But maybe i do know. And probably most of those i come in contact with i can handle. Then there are others i feel retarded for not getting them out of my head or thinking utterly rediculous thoughts. At this point, i mostly don't want to have any guys in my life until college. Oh wait, that is in more than a year. And as much as i would like that, it is sorta impossible. I am 17. And i am ready to be out of highschool. I have grown up being taught "date those who will be fit for marriage" and come to think of it, i probably haven't been doing so. And i have also been taught to "date ALL different guys, a variety, just to open my eyes and give me options. To see all thats out there, you know. Probably what i haven't been doing well. Maybe its the prideful part in me because when i go on a date with someone i'd rather not be with, i just think of it as a waste, and "try" to make the best of it though in my head a cant wait til its over.

Of course as i have said before i love love meeting new people. Its a good oppourtunity. Its my favorite usually, actually. But only sometimes does it ever work out. Like sometimes you will meet someone and then see them randomly and say a quick hello and be off. Sometimes you will meet those you regret you went up to, and sometimes you will meet a group of guys who are really cool, and you hang out with all year and one ends up a prom date, and another well..a close friend. Then dropped. Like no contact. I guess by saying "you", i mean me. Then with meeting new people, there are those disadvantages with them that your best friends have and they dont. Or when they go to college and nothing matters anymore. Maybe i am feeling sorry for myself. But i am not really because i hate to sound so lame and i am "moving fo-ward" as Ashley would say in bachelorette. That got so annoying. So maybe i am just hoping for new guys in my life. Why? I dont know. Maybe i dont. And maybe i am just having many irrational thoughts whenever i hang out with my other guy friends. But probably i will just go on right now keep having fun, and working with what i got because why sit around moping about what could have been, should have been, and whatv will be. Yes often i think of the "will be". Everybody does. Casual. But now is really the most important time gaining new experiences. And such that wont matter soon. Yes, college is right around the corner, which is why i shold focus on school, my work, and spending as much time as i can with those friends who will not be going to college with me, aka, most of them.

Also, i have reconected with some awesome friends this summer. I am so glad. I havent seen them in forever and i am so happy. I have been kinda a bum lately of actually going to parties because i dont really like hanging out with my "friends" that actually arent. So mostly Sarah and i have fun adventures and then end up with fun groups of poeple. Smaller get togethers are much more fun.

Ladies camp was ok. I wasn't feeling to good going up and i basically went because i had paid and its like...i dont have a word. Tradition? Well it was Year 6. My last year. 2nd time being a YCL and goodness am i ever glad to be done. Maybe i feel bad because i had some nice naps up there and didnt spend that much quality time with the girls i was over. But i did DEAR and and had some fun at dinner and what not. But there were definitly some memories made, as i knew would be. As much stuff that got messed up i really did try to have some fun. It was miserable fun. And get this: the theme was 'Happy are We'. Yeah it was perfect. Our skit kinda got ruined because someone lost the music CD. Cool. Our costumes were the best though. Casual. I was the committee leader. I missed one meeting and then got a strange part and it was ok. Everyone said they loved it. Was it really? Maybe. Just becuase its the YCL's and its kinda "expected" But anyway, i am greatful for the leaders and for Marlena Herrera. WOW she is a woman. She has yet to cease amazing me. Her stories and just everything that she says. It is all so inspirational. My eyes were opened by her. She is absolutley amazing. So throughout this last year of, again, bitter sweetness, i gained a better understanding of much, of our Lord and the blessing we recieve by doing what he asks of us. I am very much mroe than willing to not go back for a very long time. I can say, i have conquored Girls Camp. I am finished.

I probably have more to say, but at the moment i am undefined. Does that explain it? Maybe. Maybe having my own party will be fun. Maybe not. Probably actually. But whateves. ITS TOTES WHATEVES. RIGHT? that is that. i am tired

And it goes on..

Well my summer has started pretty sour and sweet. Yes i know the cliche 'sweet and sour', however the minor badness is over and it was first. So, sour and sweet. My attitude i decided needed to change. I think it has. This summer will definitely be a good one. So, i guess there is some gravitational force, maybe a magnetism, between me and cute little boys. They are just so cute and so fun, usually because they are still learning, and i like to teach them the ropes to a ladies heart. This year i was friends with many 'a fresh boys. They were so much fun to get to know and hang out with. My favorite actually. But when i decided to meet a "cute little boy" that turned out to be not so young, and was very determined to GET TO KNOW ME, i learned the hard way. Maybe i am just extremely friendly. Perhaps just a bit to smiley and laughy..flirty. Possibly it is all my FAULT to begin with. But i just didn't realize a boy could go to the extreme after one night, that he thought he would have a chance with me. I must say it was absolutely the longest most romantic, er- most non-romantic e-mail i have ever received. And was it a joke? No. He was all serious. And was he too forward? Most very yes. Apparently he didn't re-read it before sending it, because he felt it was not at all bad, or creeper, or just weird. Whateves right? No. I told him to stop texting me. And he asked why. Uhhh..i don't know? Maybe because you are weird. And you live semi far away.

Anyway. Whateves. I think i will just stick to meeting new people...that i already know will me close to norm. Eh?

But yes, This is summer has started fresh. FRESH FRESH FRESH. Especially with all this wonderful rain. But i like it. I have danced. Chilled with my ladies. Swam. Worked. And been anti social. Totes.

Ladies Camp is this week. My last year. Gabby's first. This is insane. I have gone for 5 years. Plus Treck. I guess i can say memories have been made. We still crack jokes from first and second year most. In the TEE PEE's. Yes, those were the years. And i just can't believe that i am now a leader. The one that i most looked up to and thought was SOOooOO COOL in those earlier years. But, i must say. Us, YCL's are pretty legit. And i just love that natureous outside and fire, and stars, and late nights. WITH GORGEOUS EARLY MORNINGS. But i have tried packing. So far i have some clothes. I am not in the spirit and i don't know why. I am totally not prepared and ESPECIALLY if it will be raining up there i might be miserable. Oh well, thank heavens for washer machines right? But i am sick. And have zero motivation. So i will call this a lazy year. Hopefully Sarah and I can make the best of it however. With some spontaneous acts. Or not so spon ton.

Instead of coming home from camp i was going to head up to Seattle and Forks and just have fun up there for a few days, but recently i found out that my cousins from Kansas, whom i stayed with two years ago for a month, are coming down the same time. So, i decided to stay to see them. I am excited.

So basically. Goal of this summer: Back flip on the tramp. I was mastering my front the other day, though i nearly kept flying off. so i need a bigger one. And i have tried to flip off the diving board but it is SO scary. I try, then i fail and do an embarrassing flop. Its not attractive and hurts. But i laughed.

Also not just this summer, but over this school year i have learned some things about guys. Especially when hanging out with them. They always do the same thing. Basketball. Movies or Video games. And eat. Its vain repetition yet absolutely entertaining. I don't know why. But ok.

I worked yesterday demoing razors. Worst day ever. It was the longest 6 hours of my life. I cant wait to do food again in two weeks.

That is all. I don't know why i wrote. I need to sleep. i can't move any more. ga

Don't cry because its over, be happy because it HAPPENED

If I have learned anything in life it would be that sadness does not cure anything. Seriously. When I am upset i realize how silly I am acting. When I am upset I feel like a despise the world. But when I am happy nothing can stop me. Like I always say, my FAVORITE is LAUGHING and SMILING. We should all try to be the Hugh Newman in Life. If you havn't seen the short film, Validation with T.J. Thyne and Vicki Davis. It is phenomenal and about a man who just wanted to see a smile on everyones face. He was so positive and he only brought out the good in people, seeing past their weaknesses. It really is something; I will HIGHLY recomend it. Life IS Beautiful. Despite all the cruel and evil amongts us, we can find our happy place. Rachael showed me this song one day. I fell in love. THIS. IS. a happy song:

Lemonade--Chris Rice

So go ahead and ask her
For happy ever after
'Cause nobody knows what's coming
So why not take a chance on loving
Come on, pour the glass and tempt me
Either half-full or half-empty
'Cause if it all comes down to flavor
The glass is tipping in my favor

Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky
I live life without pretending
I'm a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!

Now take your time to answer me
For the beauty of romancing
Is to calm your trembling hand with mine
While begging love to fill your eyes
I can hardly breathe while waiting
To find out what your heart is saying
And as we're swirling in this flavor
The world is tilting in our favor

Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky
I live life without pretending
I'm a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!

I've got it made
Rest in the shade
And hold my love
While God above
Stirs with a spoon
We share the moon
Smile at the bees
More sugar please
He really loves us after all
We're gonna need another straw!
We're gonna need another straw!

Life gave me lemonade and I can't imagine why
Born on a sunny day, beneath a tangerine sky..
life gave me lemonade and i can't imagine why
born on a sunny day benath the tangerene sky
I live life without pretending
I'm a sucker for happy endings
Thanks for the lemonade
Thanks for the lemonade!

I cant believe how ready i am for school to be done. Then one year left. WOW. Where did the time go? Live TODAY like there is no tomorrow. NOTHING will get better by just waiting. Dont sit on your bum telling the person to come in when they knock on the door. GET UP AND ANSWER IT. There are so many golden opportunities we probably take for granted but we shoulden't. Take ON THE STOOOOOORRM. Bring on THE RAIN. I always say, "Life is not about getting through the strom, its about learning how to dance in the RAIN".

UMMM..Today Sarah and I realized why guys think we are so confusing. We had a magnificent brawl out talking about how rediculous we are...BUT SO ARE THEY. THEY NEED TO TALK. NOT PRETEND. But so are we. BUT NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO. IT IS DIFFICULT. Comunication is key. And so are friends. What would i do with out knowing i can always turn to sarah and of course our dear Lord. He is the one who is always there when the world turns you away. It is really, REALLY hard sometimes, but in the end I know He will make things turn out right. Maybe it will be good to get away in the summer. But still not ideal. I just need a brain rinse actually. Dang. Oh well.

Portland was the place. We had some nice casual adventures. Met some cool people. Ate some delicious food. Pretty much we roamed the town on our own, Sarah, Juliette and i. There were so many great sights to see, and my eyes were defiantly widened. Probably evne more so than when i was in seattle. Soo so many homeless people. But it was a good exoerence. Many talented musicians as well. Some not so much, yet entertaining to watch. Taking the MAX, light rail train thing was an adventure in itself. Usually so mant people were on it, and even so we were squished and had to stand up. But there was one point, saturday night, after a really long day we were noticng how bumpy and fun the ride was and sarah was like "Harm, i just thought it would be SO cool to hang a hamick between the two bars". And sudennly i had a great Epiphany. So i was like "OR we could just climb up and swing from the bars. SO. That we did. We waited for the last person to get off and hit the bars. It was way too fun. And like a traveling playground. It wasn't until after wards that we realized there were cameras. Ha. We are brilliant. Yet, nothing came of it. I am sure the conducters had their day made.

I am trying to stay as positive as possible. It is not simple. How do i keep my cool? Ga. I can do it. Napoleon Dynamite made me happy. Kip "Peace Out". loves