Maybe I am preaching to the Choir

Why am i writing? Because i finally sat down and actually have nothing to do. Wow. It has been a while since this has been able to happen. Busy busy busy. After camp family was here and we were goin goin going all the time. My favorite usually. There are only sometimes that i will sit down do, nothing and actully be content. All the other times i just want to be out doing something whether it is simply talking to someone. Or dancing like nobody is watching. But i have been busy with the little children as well. I have fun babysitting them, although it is crazy sometimes its definitly an experience i am grateful for and have fun with. I am going to have another family here soon as well. Yay. Also i applied to help out a neighbor i used to have. She is an art teacher and just moved and will be having her art studio in her house and will need some help with the kids and what not for classes everyday after school. There was another girl who she talked with to so its a 50/50 chance. NBD. But i would be happy to have that to rely on.

Anyways..I was watching bachelorette yesterday and i hated almost every minute of it. But i still liked it. I mean I feel so sorry for Ashley because of stupid Bently..and this is a reality TV show. That is how into it i am. I really want either J.P. or Ryan to win. They are the most sincere and just adorable. I dont like watching kissing scenes, and especially when Ashley is kissing 20 different guys, and a lot in the same day, it makes me...cringe? Sarah and i had a brawl out about it. I dont know exactly why i hate it. Well maybe i do know. And i dont exaclty know my feelings towards the male species at the moment. But maybe i do know. And probably most of those i come in contact with i can handle. Then there are others i feel retarded for not getting them out of my head or thinking utterly rediculous thoughts. At this point, i mostly don't want to have any guys in my life until college. Oh wait, that is in more than a year. And as much as i would like that, it is sorta impossible. I am 17. And i am ready to be out of highschool. I have grown up being taught "date those who will be fit for marriage" and come to think of it, i probably haven't been doing so. And i have also been taught to "date ALL different guys, a variety, just to open my eyes and give me options. To see all thats out there, you know. Probably what i haven't been doing well. Maybe its the prideful part in me because when i go on a date with someone i'd rather not be with, i just think of it as a waste, and "try" to make the best of it though in my head a cant wait til its over.

Of course as i have said before i love love meeting new people. Its a good oppourtunity. Its my favorite usually, actually. But only sometimes does it ever work out. Like sometimes you will meet someone and then see them randomly and say a quick hello and be off. Sometimes you will meet those you regret you went up to, and sometimes you will meet a group of guys who are really cool, and you hang out with all year and one ends up a prom date, and another well..a close friend. Then dropped. Like no contact. I guess by saying "you", i mean me. Then with meeting new people, there are those disadvantages with them that your best friends have and they dont. Or when they go to college and nothing matters anymore. Maybe i am feeling sorry for myself. But i am not really because i hate to sound so lame and i am "moving fo-ward" as Ashley would say in bachelorette. That got so annoying. So maybe i am just hoping for new guys in my life. Why? I dont know. Maybe i dont. And maybe i am just having many irrational thoughts whenever i hang out with my other guy friends. But probably i will just go on right now keep having fun, and working with what i got because why sit around moping about what could have been, should have been, and whatv will be. Yes often i think of the "will be". Everybody does. Casual. But now is really the most important time gaining new experiences. And such that wont matter soon. Yes, college is right around the corner, which is why i shold focus on school, my work, and spending as much time as i can with those friends who will not be going to college with me, aka, most of them.

Also, i have reconected with some awesome friends this summer. I am so glad. I havent seen them in forever and i am so happy. I have been kinda a bum lately of actually going to parties because i dont really like hanging out with my "friends" that actually arent. So mostly Sarah and i have fun adventures and then end up with fun groups of poeple. Smaller get togethers are much more fun.

Ladies camp was ok. I wasn't feeling to good going up and i basically went because i had paid and its like...i dont have a word. Tradition? Well it was Year 6. My last year. 2nd time being a YCL and goodness am i ever glad to be done. Maybe i feel bad because i had some nice naps up there and didnt spend that much quality time with the girls i was over. But i did DEAR and and had some fun at dinner and what not. But there were definitly some memories made, as i knew would be. As much stuff that got messed up i really did try to have some fun. It was miserable fun. And get this: the theme was 'Happy are We'. Yeah it was perfect. Our skit kinda got ruined because someone lost the music CD. Cool. Our costumes were the best though. Casual. I was the committee leader. I missed one meeting and then got a strange part and it was ok. Everyone said they loved it. Was it really? Maybe. Just becuase its the YCL's and its kinda "expected" But anyway, i am greatful for the leaders and for Marlena Herrera. WOW she is a woman. She has yet to cease amazing me. Her stories and just everything that she says. It is all so inspirational. My eyes were opened by her. She is absolutley amazing. So throughout this last year of, again, bitter sweetness, i gained a better understanding of much, of our Lord and the blessing we recieve by doing what he asks of us. I am very much mroe than willing to not go back for a very long time. I can say, i have conquored Girls Camp. I am finished.

I probably have more to say, but at the moment i am undefined. Does that explain it? Maybe. Maybe having my own party will be fun. Maybe not. Probably actually. But whateves. ITS TOTES WHATEVES. RIGHT? that is that. i am tired