Just the Beginning...

I find myself getting angry over the stupidest things. Probably 60 percent of the time something will just irk me soo BAD. Then i will realize how lame I am being but I still have that urge to be angry because i want that specific person to know that i am upset and try to do something about it or feel sorry for me. Is that selfish or what? Then (usually it is Gabby bugging me) she will give me this look and so i will start laughing! Then i will just get even angry because i DON'T want to be laughing. Do you know where i am getting at? But i really dislike how i become like this. It’s like a tiny cigarette fallen into a dry forest, and in seconds the whole ground and trees are up in flames. That is my anger. I wish for it to cease or at least that i could control it so it’s only a bon fire.

But wait i don’t really like Bon fires that much. They are fun with the right people but when there are weirdo’s and when the fire pit is in an empty pool with sand, i'd much rather be hot tubbing. Bon fires are for the summer, or for cuddling. Not for awkward get togethers with awkward people. But i guess if you are a visiting from Arizona and find an attractive being, the night can end very well. Which don’t get me wrong, i would take that chance any day if i were visiting from elsewhere and i find an attractive guy. But i'd just feel sorry for him, and for myself knowing it was a total waste, and that the chances of me seeing him again are slim. Yeah, so might as well just rome around in your own pond, even though you may run into the same dumb fish, there will ALWAYS be new, more colorful, yet maybe a bit slimy, and missing a fin, but they are perfect for you. Yet, i am not thinking this all the time.

I am really thinking this just to get through this junior year, so i can hurry up with next year and get to college. So many people keep telling me, just live your life, learn to love high school, take advantage of what you have now. NO. I not only WANT to leave, i really NEED to. I feel so sheltered and i want that experience of being on my own. I feel really fortunate to know the basic skills of living, i feel blessed i suppose. I was talking to a girl in class the other day, and she is leaving for school next year. She was telling me how she might not go because she can’t live without her mom. Apparently they are best friends, but not only that, her mom is like her Maid. I find it quit sad, that if you are a senior in high school and you mother is cleaning your room, choosing your outfits for school, cooks for (and you DON'T know how) and gives you ANYTHING you want, then you are about to have a MAJOR wake up call. Well i didn’t mean to go on that tangent, but i really wish the best for that girl, because she worries me much. Speaking of colleges, I know it is seems so far away, but in reality it is creepin right around the corner! Oh jeeze yes it is. I have looked into many. Many in Utah and Idaho. Not really any at all here is WA. I really want to go to BYU-I but i have also thought about Paul Mitchell in Utah (Not too serious).

Today i saw something really sad. I was walking down the hall and a guy says HI to a girl. Then the girl he was walking with says "oooh i HATE her". So the guy, just going along (acting coooooOoOOl) said i KNOW she is a *Meany*. And i think that the other girl heard. I just felt so sad. I really don’t like that i witnessed that today. Realizing, i am not the most righteous-judging person, i try to LOVE people and i can handle them even if we do not mesh well. Apparently guys are different in this situation, like this weekend a friend did not want to hang out with us if we were going to be with another guy that he "HATED". I love the quote "You cannot hate someone, until you have LOVED them first". He has NO reason to "HATE" him My goodness that is such a strong word. I can handle being with someone that i am not fond of, by just staying out of their way and just simply being nice though the circumstances.

Some guys are SO ridiculous. Yet strangely, can I say addicting? They seem to be able to say SO much but then not do a thing worth wanting. The male species tends to be PRO at this ability. Yes all guys. Except for Collin Dye. Sarah’s.....BEST FRIEND...he is by far a VERY smooth guy. But some guys are cool. Even if they forget how to carry out a conversation because a basketball game is going on. Even though they watch Scott Pilgrim and Teenage Girl Squad (and have a sticker on their car). Even though they would rather just chill. Because when we chill it’s like a freezer for RIL. Even if they forget that girls are in their present atmosphere and would like to do something exciting. So then there is more to be frustrated about. It is not a matter worth upsetting over, but when you want to do something then just DO IT. Live it up now, no matter that your leaving soon. Just let yourself have fun and live it up until that time comes. The experience is good for you. Go Crazy. You HAVE to go on and be crazy. Because Craziness is like Heaven. Thanks Jimi. When the going gets rough, just know that HE is with you always. The savior is always there listening and watching out for You. And i know for ME. I love Him dearly. And to get past the fact that not EVERYTHING in your life will be splendid and happi. That not everything in this life will be rewarding at the moment and we will NEVER be happi from collecting all material items. For me, at least Money is not going to buy me love. And we have just got to come to realization of our True selves and face the facts! Tell the truth! And be proud with what you say. Stand your ground. And just live your life to the fullest. "Love the life you live, and live the life you love" Bob Marley died from Drugs, but he was an outstanding musician and Like Jimi sent great messages throughout the world. He may not have been a great man. But he LIVED his LIFE. And he was a great man. Does that make sense. I hope it makes Sweet sense.

I don’t really know if this was a good start. I have wanted to write a blog for a while now and share my feelings with EVERYONE. Some days may be more intriguing. I hope. In closing, yesterday in while talking to Sarah, I couldn’t stop laughing. And then again today. Like i said, whether i am in an upsetting situation, or its sad...or HAPPI..i just LAUGH!..I think that Sarah and i have a talent of laughter. It is almost as if it is hiding my true feelings. Like when i totally confess something serious, like to the peak that i should break down in tears, I feel that sensation in my stomach and my lips start sputtering and i just laugh. I can only contain it with certain aspects. This just might be a great talent, because I stay so happi, when I could choose to be depressed. So. If you are reading this I probably love you. I am excited for you to be able to creep on my inner thoughts. I can assure you can expect some more intriguing writes.